On Thursday night Paige's school had a Parent Education night and the subject was
Positive Discipline. I really wanted to go because I've been having such a hard time with what I call the "Witching Hour" from 4-6pm. I think by then all of us are ready for a break from each other and are excited for Brian to get home. At that time, Paige is tired an starts in with the whining. And I don't want to hear it anymore so sometimes (ok, lots of times) I loose my patience. I was hoping this class would help. The corner stone of the class was to use the non-emotional approach (Let me tell you, by 5pm, I've got some emotions!) based on Dr. Glean Latham's book, "
The Power of Positive Parenting" (which I immediately ordered from
Amazon and I'm waiting for it's arrival). The steps to this approach are:
- Observe & Evaluate first
- Calmly approach
- In a pleasant tone, give as little verbal direction as needed
- Allow situations to work themselves out whenever possible
Sounded simple enough! They also talked about Family Expectations and how to set those and what to do when they are no met. My only expectation at this point is to STOP THE WHINING! Some great examples were given (and very humorous too I might add) about how to implement your expectations, which involved taking away a privilege. Paige LOVES to watch one show with Brian after bath and then go into bed to read her stories. Knowing that, I decided that the consequence for whining would be no show after bath. So on Friday, I told her that if she whined I would give her three warnings and if she got to number three there would be no show to watch after bath. She got to number three super quick on Friday. But she understood after bath that she would only read stories. We limited it to four books. There was no crying or being upset. She knew what what happening and accepted it. Today (Saturday), went WONDERFUL! She hardly whined at all. And the couple times she did whine I just said. "Oh, I hear whining. That's a warning." She absolutely understood what I meant and stopped immediately. I was so proud of her. By 6:30pm she only had two warnings and I thought she would make it. But unfortunately she whined upstairs as we were cleaning up (mostly because she was tired) so I had to take it away. I felt bad, since I knew she was tired, but I couldn't go back on the consequence. I really want her to learn. She got upset, but after bath, knew she could only read books and did so gladly. Having a pretty much whine free day was BLISS! I'm excited for tomorrow. I think she'll do really well.
The class also discussed Time Outs and Building Self Esteem. I really liked the suggestion about when your child brings you something that she did (like a colored picture) to get your approval, you instead ask, "Do you think you did a good job?" Yes! Ding! Ding! Of course that would build her self esteem, she doesn't need me or Brian to reassure her of the job she did, we want her to feel like she did well all on her own.
In all, the class was about being consistent. Which was really good for me. Because in that "Witching Hour" I have been giving in to just stop the whining. But hopefully just a few more days of practice, we will all be much happier!
Here's a few quotes that I really liked too:
- "As parents, we must realize that children are in a the process of whom they will become."
- "Guard your children's self-esteem with the same zeal with which you would guard their very lives!"
- "You can put a distraught child in time-out with as much love and tenderness as you would put a sleeping child into its crib."
- "Parenthood is a privilege. Who knew that we as parents has more to learn and refine than possibly our children do? Love your children unconditionally. Enjoy every minute. They are our greatest treasures."
I'm so glad I went and I'm glad to see a difference being made already. I'll keep you updated!
